Harry Potter: The Offensive Musical!
by Elyse and Olivia
Summary: A parody of many hit songs to fit into our Harry Potter Musical.... artists include the Barenaked Ladies, City High, Destiny's Child, and much, much more!
1. Evilicious (Voldemort's Theme)

AUTHORS' NOTES: This is a parody of "Bootylicious," a song by Destiny's  
Child. We do not own, or claim to own, the song, lyrics, or any part of  
Destiny's Child... not even their booties. We also do not own Harry  
Potter. Don't sue us, we have no money.  
  
  
"EVILICIOUS: Voldemort's Theme"  
(End of Book Four)  
  
Harry, can you handle this?   
Hermione, can you handle this?   
Ron, can you handle this?   
I don't think they can handle this!   
Barely move, I've arrived   
Lookin nasty, lookin sly   
Baddest wiz, wiz inside Wormie, kill tonight   
Spotted me a scarred up thang   
There you are, come on Harry   
Don't you wanna duel with me   
Can you handle, handle me   
You gotta do much better if you gone duel with me tonight   
You gotta work your jelly if you gone duel with me tonight   
Procede cautiously if you're scared of what you see  
Curse, hex, prove you can hang with me   
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me   
Whip out your wand, it's time for show down   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready for this   
Cause my body too evilicious for ya Harry   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready for this   
Cause my body too evilicious for ya Harry  
Harry, can you handle this?   
Harry, can you handle this?   
Harry, can you handle this?   
I don't think you can handle this!   
I'm about to annihilate you with my wand  
Stench of evil incarnate   
Aren't you glad that you just ate  
Smellin' like evil should  
Groovin like I'm from the good   
Look over my shoulder, I send you a curse  
Can you handle, handle this   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready for this   
Cause my body too evilicious for ya Harry   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready, I'm too smelly   
I don't think you ready for this   
Cause my body too evilicious for ya Harry   
Move your body up and down (whoo!)  
Make your booty touch the ground (whoo!)  
You can't help but say goodbye (whoo!)   
Do Dobby and I make you suspicious, Harry   
I kill a muggle at every chance   
When I say crucio you slip into a trance   
I'm hoping you can handle all this magic that I have   
Now let's cut your arm and razimitazz *Voldemort tap dance sequence*   



	2. What Would You Do? (Wormtail's Theme)

AUTHORS' NOTES: This is a duet between Voldemort and Wormtail. It is a parody of City High's "What Would You Do?" Please note that we do not own, claim to own, want to own, or have any connection with City High, nor do we own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything related to it. This song doesn't make much sense, but neither does Wormtail most of the time, so just go along with it.  
  
"WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (Wormie's Theme)"  
Fourth Book, any time during.  
  
[Wormtail]  
Harry Potter, wanna hear a true story, was Thursday night, Voldemort was hungry, they had the milk overflowing the cup, about 5 or 6 death eaters tryna kill a muggle, and I took the Dark Lord outside wit' me, his name was Voldie, he said,"Why you up in there milking a snake, it's been a whole lotta time since ma last feedin'"... I said   
  
[Wormtail]   
(Chorus)   
What would you do if Voldie was home cryin all alone in some strange room 'cause he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is to millk Nagini an' feed him through a straw and his power's gone thanks to harry potter, that brat's going down now, I ain't gotta hand now, so for you this is the end of the world but for me this what I call life. MMmm  
  
[Voldie]   
Wormie you ain't the only one wit a en'my, that's no excuse to be livin all crazy, then I looked Wormy square in the eye and said each day I wish Harry Potter would just die, he said master I know about pain 'cause you cut off my hand and gave me a new one and made it silvah. before I was a rodent I done and been through more than you can relate ta   
  
(Chorus)   
[Voldie] (Wormie)  
Whoa ooh oh   
Then he said (what would you do?), get on my feet and murder that Harry Potter(What would you do?)'cause I wouldn't want me Voldie to go through what I went through (What would you do?) Get up on my feet and stop being small and shriveled(What would you do?)Wormie I know that if I can do it, baby you can do it,yeah,yeah,yeah   
  
(Chorus)[Wormie]   
  
[Voldie]   
What would you do if Voldie was home cryin all alone in some strange room 'cause he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is to millk Nagini an' feed him through a straw and his power's gone thanks to harry potter, that brat's going down now, I ain't gotta hand now, so for you this is the end of the world but for me this what I call life. MMmm  
  
  



	3. Pinch Me (Harry's Theme)

A/N: Don't sue us. We like this song so much, that we had to adapt it   
to Harry Potter. Rather depressing. Pinch Me is by the Barenaked Ladies,  
who are awesome. Although we would like to, we do not own, claim to own,  
or have any connection with The Barenaked Ladies or their songs.  
  
  
  
Pinch Me  
  
I've been here many a year  
I should be far away from here  
The Dursley's are obsessed  
The muggles hate has since progressed  
There's a ten pound slab of meat  
That hungry Dudley likes to eat  
He could walk but he'll just sit  
It's easier to take a- (Petunia) Harry!!  
  
It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone  
Then you try to smile, but it only comes out as a yawn  
When you try to see the world beyond your cupboard door  
Take your time, 'cause what I am is gonna make you smile  
When you realize that the Dursley's might take a while  
Just try to figure out what the letters are for  
  
A big letter came today  
Uncle Vernon threw it away  
Put the sprinkler on the lawn  
Dudley runs through with his gym shorts on  
While Dudley picks his nose  
I change into some larger clothes  
Under the stairs back in my room  
I slave away the afternoon  
  
It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone  
Then you try to smile, but it only comes out as a yawn  
When you try to see the world beyond your cupboard door  
Take your time, 'cause what I am is gonna make you smile  
When you realize that the Dursley's might take a while  
Just try to figure out what the letters are for  
  
Pinch me, pinch me 'cause I'm still asleep  
Please God tell me that I'm still asleep  
  
Obese Dudley's easily pissed  
He beats me when he's feeling dissed   
The Dursleys go into a rage  
Because a snake escapes its cage  
Dudley don't know how to share  
Excepting his old underwear   
I could leave, but I'll just stay  
They lock me in here anyway  
  
It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone  
Then you try to smile, but it only comes out as a yawn  
When you try to see the world beyond your cupboard door  
Take your time, 'cause what I am is gonna make you smile  
When you realize that the Dursley's might take a while  
Just try to figure out what the letters are for  
Try to figure out what the letters are for  
Try to see the world beyond your cupboard door  
Try to figure out what the letters are for  
  



End file.
